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Don’t doubt when you need to refuse

Author: Jessica Carter
by Jessica Carter
Posted: Oct 15, 2018
personal boundaries

Reflecting on the past, we wish we said "no" in certain situations which lead us to regret our decisions. Knowing when to say "no" is not punishing others, but maintaining healthy relationships and using the vital opportunities except for ignoring them to follow someone else’s expectations. Understanding capabilities and persona limits will help you to identify the cases you need to refuse.

1. Self-awareness

Your personal boundaries make the difference between the normal and abnormal things in your consideration. Yet, you tend to think you know your physical, emotional, and mental boundaries, people make excuses depending on a situation, but the truth is that boundaries can be dictated only by your philosophies and preferences. They are flexible and change over time, but they should never depend on external factors. The best thing you can do is to write down you thought on personal boundaries. It will help you in further decisions. Being aware of your genuine boundaries will never leave you in doubt.

2. Look back

It is essential to reflect on the past situations when you said "yes", and the consequences were negative, as well as reflect on situations when refusal was more beneficial than acceptance. Assess the past events and define the causes of certain consequences. You will see patterns in your behavior and what leads you to say "yes" or refuse. It will help you make the right choice in further.

3. Listen to your guts

Your emotional state will always signalize when it’s time to show the red flag. Anything which makes you feel indignations, stress, discomfort, or whatever the negative feeling is, is a result of overpassing your personal limits. The key is to be assertive in setting your personal limits strict and giving yourself permission to stay within these boundaries. Feeling guilty is okay when facing such doubtful situations and replying with "no". The truth is that refusal is not selfish, but just a way to take care of yourself.

4. Priorities

Like setting goals, there are prior things in life which are worth living for. The difference is that your priorities are not always what you should do, but what makes you happy. Write down your top priorities. Repeat the procedure the next day and the day after by not looking at the previous lists. Therefore, you should combine the repetitive ideas into a single genuine list of priorities and rank them. It will be easier to define a case of refusal depending on how your response will affect the priorities.

5. Realistic tasks

We tend to anticipate more than we are able to accomplish which makes our way of thinking too optimistic in a certain way. Be realistic with yourself and honest with others about your skills and abilities. It is hard to change the rules when you’ve agreed. Know when it’s time to say "yes" or "no". You may also be overloaded and add another task to your list affects your physical and emotional state negatively. Even if you have planned a visit to the royal class barber shop, it is not reasonable to cancel your plans in order to unload your to-do list and please someone else. You should not suffer anyhow by adding on a task.

Finally, you should define the realistic and unrealistic requests. People are sometimes mistaken and don’t know what and how they are requesting. There is no point in accepting a job which can’t be done they way the person asks to accomplish it.

About the Author

Hey! I’m Jessica Carter. Last year I finished Ual (University of Art London) with a specialization in Fashion Journalism. Now I live in Nyc and practice skills received there. I try writing about fashion trends for different magazines and websites.

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Author: Jessica Carter

Jessica Carter

United States

Member since: Jul 18, 2016
Published articles: 45

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