Rebuilding a healthy relationship after being cheated on

Infidelity is one of the toughest setbacks for a relationship to overcome but it can also be the catalyst for a positive change. It is true that relationships don’t always bounce back from cheating but it also doesn’t automatically have to be a deal-breaker. Infidelity has a cataclysmic effect on trust in a relationship and it takes hard work and two willing parties to rebuild a healthy relationship that relies on trust and respect.

What do specialists say?

Infidelity isn’t a new concept as it has been in our lives as long as relationships have existed. Although specialists have strong proofs to argue that humans are monogamous, lifelong monogamy is still a cultural ideal. It seems that monogamy isn’t natural for humans, in fact, humans carry the biological imprint of polygamy which is the opposite of lifelong fidelity to one mate. Yet, it doesn’t mean it isn’t possible or even desirable.

Surprising as it may be, numerous relationship experts believe that it is not only possible to rebuild your relationship after being cheated on or cheating on your partner but the relationship may also become stronger than before the infidelity. The reason behind this lay in the fact that infidelity doesn’t just happen because the person who cheated went out with the specific purpose of cheating. In fact, the decision of being infidel to your partner has a multitude of variables that come into play such as relationship issues that were never underlined before the infidelity happened. Thus, infidelity can be the trigger point for couples to actually sit down and discuss all their problems and find real solutions for them.

Take time to heal and forgive

Specialists generally agree that it takes a minimum of at least two years to heal. The healing process and getting past the obsessive thoughts is gradual. Slowly, over time, painful thoughts gradually start to disappear. Forgiveness cannot come unless you heal all the emotional wounds the infidelity has caused. Yet, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you should distance yourself from your partner for two years, it means that it is ok to still feel hurt and angry about what happened. If you have decided to bounce back from the infidelity and rebuilt your relationship, you need to allow your partner to be part of the healing and forgiving process.

Total honesty is essential

Building trust while still hiding things from your partner is simply contradictory. It is unnatural to expect your partner to believe that you will never cheat again as long as you are not showing total honesty. Relationship experts believe that even if it will seemingly hurt your spouse more, the person who cheated needs to be completely honest and answer all their partner’s question. Some people want to know everything about the affair such as where it happened, how many times, and how it has started.

What is scary about the affair and what makes things harder is the fact that there are a lot of unknowns. By removing them from the equation, the person who was cheated can make one step forward to forgiving their partner.

Evaluate the relationship’s issues

Infidelity can break hearts, destroy trust and set two people who love each other apart as long as the couple doesn’t know how to bounce back from this challenge. The most important aspect of rebuilding a healthy and even stronger relationship is to underline the relationship’s issues beyond the cheating. A problematic relationship is not an excuse for cheating but problems always lead the road to improvement if there are two willing parties. Relationship problems may exist for a multitude of reasons such as lack of communication, lack of time spent together or intimacy, and individual problems as well. if one of the partners is experiencing great stress and anxiety due to their job it does not mean that the relationship has a problem, but everything will reflect into the relationship and will sooner or later lead to issues.

Go to couple counselling

Infidelity doesn’t just affect the relationship between two individuals, it can also cause huge emotional and psychological pain that may lead to a lack of self-confidence and a multitude of negative emotions. Relationship counselling helps partners understand that both of them are at least somewhat at fault. Each of you gets to air the grievances and freely express how they have been hurt by their spouse in a safe environment. The therapist will guide you through the way of understanding and hearing each other. Understanding what emotional and psychological dynamics were at play that led to the affair is the very first step of learning new ways to relate that are healthier and foster a sense of connection and intimacy.

Couples can survive and grow after an affair by letting go of the parts which were not working and move towards creating a new dynamic in the relationship.