Ministers offer drop-in weddings for same-sex couples

October 18, 2014

Author: Eve Knaggs

For same-sex couples who want to tie the knot without a big production, the Fox Valley Unitarian Universalist Fellowship is offering drop-in weddings.

Two couples signed up for the Appleton fellowship's first event and said "I do" on Tuesday evening, the Rev. Roger Bertschausen said. A second evening of quick but meaningful weddings is set for Oct. 29 and so far two couples are on the list.

The fellowship fought hard for marriage equality in Wisconsin and opening up its sanctuary for the marriages of same-sex members and nonmembers alike is an extension of that advocacy, said the Rev. Leah Hart-Landsberg, the fellowship's associate minister.

Couples can call to reserve a time for the Oct. 29 event or they can just pop in after 5 p.m. for a ceremony. The fellowship will even provide the vows and the witnesses if couples need them. All they need to do is bring their marriage license.

"We're not officers of the court. So we're not just here to sign paperwork. We're here to say with love and intention and attention that when love happens it's precious and one of the ways that we value it is by celebrating that in community," Hart-Landsberg said.

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Typically, fellowship ministers only officiate rights of passage for members and friends due to time and space constraints, but they're making exceptions following the overturning of the state's marriage ban. On Oct. 6, the U.S. Supreme Court left intact lower-court rulings that struck down Wisconsin's marriage amendment and other states' bans.

"We worked so hard on marriage equality. We're so excited it's finally here and we acknowledge that most if not all of the religious traditions in the community are really behind us on this issue. We want to make an exception and provide the space where people can celebrate with a community of faith," Hart-Landsberg said.

Requests for weddings, especially from nonmembers, started streaming in to the fellowship after the Oct. 6 decision. For some couples, these ceremonies mark the beginning of their married life and for others who have been married for years in their hearts, houses of worship and before family and friends, it's for the legal recognition, Hart-Landsberg said.

"Unitarian Universalism, and this fellowship in particular, has been very clear since the late '70s that we affirm and welcome the presence of gay, lesbian, bi, trans, queer, questioning people," Hart-Landsberg said. "I think we've been public around marriage equality in the community and so people know that they can depend on us to respect them and to celebrate with them."

As of Tuesday, 16 same-sex couples had scheduled weddings with the fellowship. Some couples are opting for sooner rather than later, but Hart-Landsberg said the wedding calendar for the next two years is filling up, too.

"Like all kinds of committed partnerships, there's a variety of plans that make sense for a variety of different reasons for a variety of different couples," Hart-Landsberg said. "What's fair is all of those options are now available to couples."

The Rev. Jane Anderson said so far, she and her colleague at First Congregational United Church of Christ in Appleton have received about 10 requests for marriage between them.

"Most of these couples that I'm marrying are people of faith and so being able to have their pastor officiate a spiritual ceremony is an important expression of who they are as a people of faith," Anderson said. "I'm just very thrilled that the denomination that I serve as a pastor has been on the forefront of fighting for marriage equality and other issues of justice all along."