Role play for Beginners – Important Considerations when Restraining a Partner

When a man’s partner brings up his or her desire to be tied up, this can be an exciting time for a man. However, it should also be a time for research. If he has never performed role play before, and/or if his partner is new to it, there are many considerations both partners need to keep in mind in order to ensure that the activity is safe, consensual and enjoyable. When men think of what they need to maintain a healthy lovemaking life, they often focus on the basics: male organ health, use of protection and regular testing. As important as these things are, mental preparation is right up there with them on the list. Consider the following when introducing physical restraint into playtime.

1. Talk first. Whenever a new activity is introduced to lovemaking, it’s important for the partners to discuss what they are comfortable with and what is off limits beforehand, and role play is certainly no exception. This not only includes discussion of the actual tying up that will be done, but of other aspects of a couple’s lovemaking life as well. Consider that a partner who is bound is more vulnerable than usual, and may not be comfortable with certain things he or she usually likes, such as dirty talk or spanking.
2. Realize the full weight of responsibility. The partner who is untied has a high level of responsibility for the safety, balance and positioning of the bound partner. He needs to take this responsibility seriously. A high level of trust and care between partners makes this easier.
3. Start small. There are myriad ways to tie a partner up, some involving more restraint than others. Some positions use a lot of rope (or other material), contorting the partner’s body into some pretty interesting positions. When a couple is first starting out, though, it’s usually best not to jump right into extreme positions like the hogtie – with the partner’s hands tied behind his or her back and feet bound – or the frogtie – in which the knees are bent and the ankles are bound to the thighs. Some good restraint-for-beginner binding points include:

• Wrists: The wrists can be bound above a partner’s head or behind his or her back; they can also be bound to furniture or other sturdy objects in the environment. Handcuff-style or arms spread apart and wrists bound separately are both options to consider.
• Ankles: Some partners might enjoy having their ankles bound, either together or with legs spread apart and ankles bound separately to nearby sturdy objects.
• Thighs: The legs can be bound just above the knees, allowing a partner to bend his or her legs while facilitating the thigh squeeze that many couples love.

1. Temper the accessories. For some couples, role play accessories such as whips, blindfolds and ball gags are as important to the thrill of the activity as the actual restraining. For beginners who are just getting their toes wet, it’s likely best to skip extreme accessories like ball gags, which restrict a partner’s ability to communicate verbally, and rough whips, which may deliver tougher blows than the partner expects or wants. A blindfold and a feather teaser are usually safe places to start – if the partner is interested in those things, of course.
2. Choose restraint material wisely. Using a course rope one has lying around can lead to instant discomfort and chafing for a bound partner. Cotton and silk ropes are fantastic and luxurious, but they’re also expensive. Men can find nylon rope at a hardware store; this is a suitable alternative, as knots therein are easy to remove and the rope is soft enough to maintain comfort. Some couples prefer to use strips of fabric, such as a silky tie.
3. Restrain, don’t cut off circulation. In the heat of the moment, a man may pull a knot a little too tight. This can lead to loss of circulation to a lover’s body part. Men should be able to slide a finger or two between the restraint material and the partner’s body. Also, ask the partner if he or she experiences any numbness or pins and needles, and do frequent checks throughout the session to make sure there are no color changes on the restrained body parts. If any of these occur, unbind the partner.

Along with attending to a partner’s safety and wellbeing, a man ought to attend to his own. Rough lovemaking can result in a male organ that is raw and dry from friction. After his daily shower, he can apply a male organ health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) with natural moisturizers like Shea butter and vitamin E, which help the skin stay hydrated and more resilient. Men may be ready for another hot session sooner rather than later if they take care of their manhood skin.