Get Out of Depression

Everyone except the very young or very dull has felt the pain of breaking up with someone they love at some point in their lives. Grief, whether it is at the end of a relationship because they slammed the door on their way out of a relationship or were accidentally squished by a bus on the way to the post office has exactly the same effect of the psyche of those left behind. We all go through stages of denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance. Not everyone goes through these stages at the same rate (it‟s estimated that it can take someone half the length of a serious relationship to get over it so if you were married for fifteen years the emotional effects are likely to live on for another seven or eight years, and seriously impact on your next relationship(s). Sometimes you can experience two or three stages at once; sometimes you barely experience a stage at all. If a new trauma comes along to awaken old wounds you can go back to an earlier point on your emotional journey. You can get stuck at one of the stages (and if that‟s happened for any length of time then it‟s time to call in the professionals to help you gain some perspective, seriously - pick up the phone and dial for a counselor).STAGE OF GRIEF TYPICAL BEHAVIOR A. DENIAL THE IT‟S NOT HAPPENING STAGE. If you are going through a split this can be denial that your partner wants to leave you or a belief that they will change their mind, as they can‟t really mean it. Ok so they called you every name under the sun on their way out of the door but after all they loved you for all that time, they must still love you really, no really, deep down they do even if they don‟t realize it. B. ANGER OR WHY ME!!!!!!! STAGE You are angry at the world, angry at the situation even if you were the one to walk away, angry on behalf of the others who were hurt by your or your partner‟s actions. C. NEGOTIATION CAN I PLEA BARGAIN MY WAY OUT OF THIS? If I‟m a nicer, more desirable, funnier person will s/he recognize that and come back? Can I possibly hang on to the dregs of this relationship; surely I can salvage something here? (Well that‟s your dignity straight out of the window then). D. DEPRESSION IT‟S REAL AND I CAN‟T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. The reality hits home and so does the misery. This is when the depression can strike, when alcohol and other dependent behaviours can take hold, and Prozac seems like a lifesaver. At this point there is nothing left to lose. E. ACCEPTANCE ITS OVER – NOW WHO AM I And has anyone seen where I last left my life? So what has this to do with a second wife? Well it‟s not good news. Men and Women do not work their way through these stages at the same rate but even if you were the one to call time on the relationship you will still go through all of these (and you may have a huge dollop of guilt to deal with as well). Your new partner may not have dealt with all his issues before embarking on a new relationship. Chances are a woman will be just starting to get her head around the grief of a split when her former partner has gone through all the stages and launched on his next relationship. If you are the woman next in line when your partner‟s former wife is working her way through one of those stages then all that ugly raw emotion is going to be turned directly on you. Of course if you were involved in breaking up the relationship then it‟s no big surprise if his former partner holds a grudge in your direction. If you were even partially responsible for wrecking her family fairytale she‟s going to blame you and if someone did the same to you I bet you‟d be just as mad. Even if you had nothing to do with it, even if you came along years later, or she was the one to end the marriage then guess what - it will make no difference. If she is not emotionally separated from her former partner and that grief is still raw then you are going to have a very rough ride ahead. Learn More: https://www.thedivorcelawfirm.in/pdf/Get-Out-of-Depression.pdf