Autistic boy says 'I do' to the role of groomsman for his former babysitter

June 2, 2015

Author: Tara Green

Dressed in a freshly starched tux with a pale pink tie, Will McCall tapped the microphone, looked at the audience and began reciting the John Lennon lyrics (inspired by poet Robert Browning) chosen by the bride and groom.

He had practiced for days, memorised a sheet of instructions, and now the moment had come.

"Grow old along with me/ The best is yet to be/ When our time has come/ We will be as one"

At 13, the American boy just wants to be like everyone else. He hates the word "autism," a condition that has often kept him in separate classrooms and schools. So he was elated when asked to be in the wedding of his former teacher and baby sitter, Melissa Newman.

While people with autism often struggle socially, Will thrives around other people and has come a long way since Newman met him at age 4, when he used to hide from family members, she said.

"He's grown up a lot in the past year," Newman, 33, of Wheeling, Illinois, said. "He can be proud and comfortable instead of being scared."

On May 16, Will and his sister, Taylor, 11, walked down the aisle as a junior groomsman and junior bridesmaid at Newman's wedding to Benjamin Burke.

Will's parents were nervous and excited about their son's role - and admittedly relieved that he read the lyrics without too much embellishment. "He might decide to sing a song," his father, Chip McCall, said later. "I am glad he stuck with the script."

At Will's tux fitting a few days earlier, he admired himself in the mirror. "I am very handsome," he murmured, then asked his mother, "Can I wear this when we get home?"

Marnie McCall said she knew her son was different when he was a toddler. "He would run back and forth and watch his shadow," she said. "He would rub his hands on things. At one time he rubbed his hands on gravel and they were bleeding. He looked at them and kept going, even though it was bleeding."

He was first diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder and, eventually, autism. "Unlike other kids with autism, he loves being around people," said McCall, adding that Will attended a recent bat mitzvah without a hitch - "a really big deal."

"Typical peers are what he really longs for, to be and act and be with typical peers," she said.

Newman entered his life when she was a special education aide at an early childhood centre. She baby-sat the McCall children the next summer and over the following years, and has been a close family friend ever since.

Newman and Will share silly rituals and inside jokes. He thinks she looks like singer Shania Twain. She calls him "Mrs. Nesbitt," from a favourite scene in the movie, Toy Story.

"We have certain songs we sing together... and dance around the kitchen table," said Newman, citing a Keith Urban favourite that played at the wedding as the siblings entered the reception hall.

"Will took to Melissa immediately, and we took to her, too," McCall said. "She was great with him and got him engaged."

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Will attended his local schools in Glencoe some years, but struggled with controlling his behaviour, especially during sixth grade, McCall said.

During his "meltdowns," he would act aggressively toward himself or others, she said. That year, he was placed at Easter Seals Therapeutic School and Centre for Autism Research in Chicago.

But he was higher functioning than most of his peers there, and "we kind of felt we were doing him a disservice by him being there," said his behavioural therapist, Meghan Gullen.

Today Will attends North Shore Academy, a therapeutic day school in Highland Park, which hired an autism coach to work with him, Gullen said.

"Will is a super outgoing guy," said Gullen, who takes him to places like Starbucks to teach appropriate behaviour. "I describe him as the mayor of the town," she said. "Whenever we go out together... he knows everybody's name. He's the kid, if you tell him something once, he remembers it from then on. He will remember your birthday and your favourite music artist."

Will, who loves roller coasters, "wants to be like everyone else," she said. "He knows he has autism. He doesn't like the word. He will so often ask questions like, 'Are you just asking me that because I have autism? Do you think I am dumb because I have autism?'"

In the weeks prior to the wedding, she helped Will prepare by creating a "social story" with pictures and descriptions that outlined the events of the day. The instructions noted at one point that there would be "NO DOG" present, because Will is afraid of them.

"During the rehearsal, my expected behaviours are listening, having quiet hands and a calm body, and keeping my voice off until it is my time to read," his social story reads.

The notes also reminded him that, "while eating, I will need to have good manners and use a napkin so that my tux stays nice and clean! No one wants a groomsman covered in cheese!"

When the day arrived, Will and his sister walked down the aisle together. He read his Lennon piece, and the pair were greeted with applause while an ensemble played the Beatles' All You Need is Love.

Will smiled so hard at times that his dimples seemed frozen in place. And then he went on to dance with the bride, like anyone else.

"I was very proud, looking at Will and how amazing he was," Newman said.