Funny Jokes

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There was a young fellow who was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned an old Mustang, if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. His friend said, "Sure."

So the young man tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend:

"I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster, twice if I want you maintain speed, and repeatedly if I want you to slow down."

With that, off they went. Things were going pretty well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 mph. The young fellow on the bike was handling the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, a black Corvette came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Mustang forgot all about the fellow on the bike and took to drag racing the Corvette.

A little further down the road sat Officer John in his police cruiser, radar gun at the ready. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 105 mph.

He called into headquarters on his radio: "Hey, you guys aren't going to believe this, but there's a Corvette and a Mustang racing out here on Highway 3, and there's a guy on a bike ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!"

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"What kind of music do you sing?"

"Aqua-pella."

"Don't you mean 'a cappella', singing without instrumental accompaniment?"

"Nope. I mean 'aqua-pella', singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower-head."

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A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly,there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It's mummy!

Father: How do you know?

Daughter: She didn't say anything.

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What the job ads really say

Ground floor opportunity - Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year.

Progressive company - Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday.

Team player - Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid personalities.

Upbeat personalities - Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first year.

Word processing skills essential - There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future.

Public Relations Receptionist, Professional appearance important - $20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe.

Salary range $24K to $32K - The salary is $24K.

Will train - Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem.

BA required, MA preferred - Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary.

Civil service - This job was filled from the inside six months ago.

Outstanding benefits package - Health insurance.

Tons of variety - We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job.

Top notch communication skills - Telemarketing.

Beautiful offices in attractive locale - Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet.

Secretary - Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker.

Executive secretary - The most powerful position in any company.

Dedicated - You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement.

Salary commensurate - We'll pay you whatever the we feel like.

Salary negotiable - We'll take the lowest bidder.

Competitive salary - We'll pay you up to 10 percent more than your last job!

Competitive starting salary - Ten cents above minimum wage.

Pleasant atmosphere - A staff of pod people.

Professional atmosphere - Zombie pod people.

Self-starter - Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this means.

Source : Jokes

Hi, I am Maahi Behl working with Happie App as Author. Happie app provides Funny Jokes, Santa Banta Jokes, Jokes in HindiJokes SMS , Funny Images, Hindi Jokes.