7 Reasons I'm Neurotic About Cleaning

I'll get the most embarrassing fact out of the way first. My mates often ridicule me, because of my tendency to keep my house cleaner than an operation room prepped for open heart surgery. I actually enjoy the process of cleaning and talking about it. Yes, I'm incredibly fun at parties. But it didn't use to be that way. I was your stereotypical bachelor living in his Den Of Singledom. While I was never dirty, everything in my house looked like a tornado came through and I was too busy playing Dark Souls to notice. So here's how I became a clean freak.

1. Social Awkwardness

Before my transformation was complete I used to hire a cleaning company in Dandenong. Now, I might have gotten rid of the slob in me, but not the introvert. That guy has taken roots in the beanbag chair of my psyche and just can't be bothered. So, the problem was that I enjoyed a bit of an organized chaos. The funny thing is that people can't really tell it's organized. The visiting cleaners often looked at me(at least in my mind they did) like I was some subhuman troglodyte with hoarder ambitions. That was the first red flag.

2. Creativity

I enjoy drawing. In school my teachers were always scolding me for it, but can you blame me? Sketching Batman riding a unicorn made out of pizza is much more exciting than fractions. However when I finished school and started living on my own I noticed it's increasingly difficult for me to enjoy my hobbies. Ideas dried out and I was more easily annoyed by my failings to draw Olivia Wilde's rack in a way I can give it justice. It was the clutter's fault again. It's weird but the more empty air you have in your home the more room your imagination has to roam.

3. Zen

I really like a story about a young monk who asked a senior one how to achieve enlightenment. The old monk asked the youngster if he had tried the rice the chef cooked. Upon answering positively the wise master smirked and told him "Then go wash your bowl". If you don't get it, I will give you an explanation in the way I understand it. You're not a little kid anymore and no one is going to do the dirty work for you. That only teaches bad habits. It's important to be self sufficient and leave the world as beautiful as you found it. No one is going to wash your dirty dishes and if you do it yourself you'll feel positivity growing inside you. Also if you are planning to use disposable dishes - Just please don't. You're better than that.

4. Time Saving

Now this may seem counter intuitive at first but hear me out. It's better to spare half an hour each day to maintain your habitat than schedule a whole day from your weekend for cleaning. Filth doesn't get dumped all at once from an outer dimension by beings who are way ahead of us in the garbage disposal department. It gradually grows around us with everything we do. The sign of civilized living, my friend. So if you just throw away that bag of chips when you finish it or wipe that spill when it happens, at the end of the week you won't have to fight your way through a colony of expansionistic ants while you are figuring out how to remove that petrified blob of ancient soda from the tiles.

5. Allergies

Yep. People's favourite thing. Well guess what. I developed a number of those because of a number of things found in any house, that genetically inferior people like me are susceptible to. I won't bore you with medical information, but basically it was either wiping dust and maintaining tidiness or becoming the Eczema Man. And since that's neither a super power nor the name of a hero I was forced to start cleaning more regularly around the house.

6. General Mood

Living in a clean and tidy home makes you a happier person. And whoever says cleaning has to be gruelling and tedious is a weak willed slob. Yeah I said it. Let's brawl, mate! Send me an email with a time and place. I probably won't come because I'm going to be too busy having fun cleaning my house and tending to my garden. Just don't think about caring for the place you live in like a boring chore. Put on your favourite dancing music and get to it. Even tasks like reorganizing your stuff and figuring out a more optimal place for them will give you a boost of good mood. Our brains secretly love organizing things and tidying up. Try it and feel the effects. I dare you.

I'm a stay at home kind of person with a penchant for gardening and cleaning. I'm also an avid gamer and a decent drawer. I enjoy puppies, long walks on the beach, and inadvisable amounts of rum.