Retrain Your Brain and Tame Stressful Emotions with Mindfulness

by Dr. Linda Miles

Do you often shout and criticize your children or partner?

Do you frequently lose control of your emotions?

Do you make rash decisions that you later regret?

According to the 2014 Stress in America Survey, conducted and published by the American Psychological Association:

• 72% of U.S. adults reported feeling very stressed about money;
• 26% of respondents reported feeling stressed about money most or all of the time;
• 41% of those married or living with a partner reported having lost patience or yelled at their partner due to stress in the last month;
• 18% reported losing their tempers with coworkers;
• 35% reported constant nervousness or anxiety; and
• 32% reported prolonged periods of depression or sadness.

How Can You Keep Your Cool?

While you may not be able to change stressful external circumstances, you can change your response.

Mindfulness is a scientifically proven approach to self-calming and increased compassion toward others, and it can help alleviate all of these struggles you might be having.

So what exactly is mindfulness and how might it help you?

Mindfulness is defined as "the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally only to the unfolding of experience moment by moment" (Kabat-Zinn, 2003).

The definition of mindfulness has several components:

1. Using self-regulation of attention either by focusing on your inner experience or outer experience in the present moment. The focus is on being present to your immediate experience, which allows an increased awareness of the now.
2. Adopting an attitude of curiosity, openness, and acceptance toward your experiences in the present moment.
3. Refraining from turning away from unpleasant experiences and instead maintaining an open and compassionate attitude and a willingness to let things be as they are.
4. Focusing more on conscious control of your inner state instead of unconscious reliving of past learning.

Mindfulness is a systematic approach that has been rigorously studied by science. It is not a religion and it is compatible with many different faiths. Mindfulness practices have been found to reduce stress, anxiety, and burnout. Those who practice it are able to increase their self-esteem, empathy, self acceptance and regulation of emotion, due to their ability to take conscious control of thought processes.

Mindfulness has been extensively researched and shown to help with stress management, self- compassion, pain management, and overall happiness. Though it requires practice and attention, and is therefore not for everyone, there is a formal practice called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction developed and researched by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn of the University of Massachusetts Medical School Center for Mindfulness.

Mindfulness Practice

In my work as a psychotherapist, I developed a way to help my clients practice mindfulness throughout the day: Thinking of the word NOW is a reminder to drop into the present moment and pay attention without judgment.

• "N" stands for NOW, a reminder to stop, breathe, and attend to the present.
• "O" stands for OPPORTUNITY, a reminder to learn the lessons of living and become better instead of bitter.
• "W" stands for WITHIN, a reminder that regardless of life circumstances, you can find inner resources within yourself for healing and wholeness.

Dr. Miles has appeared on national television, radio and in magazines such as Woman's World, Parents and Entrepreneur. She wrote the award-winning book The New Marriage,