Is She Mrs Right?

For centuries now, or at least for as long as tabloids have been in existence, a copious amount of pages have been dedicated to the failed romances of celebrity couples. Some married for years, some for months and some for only days. This poses a scary question: if famous people can’t choose a spouse, how on earth are we expected to?

It is of primary importance when planning how to propose that you don’t go beyond your means when choosing a ring, but also that the woman you are proposing to is the right one for you. There is nothing worse than dragging yourself through proposal ideas, intricate wedding plans, flower arrangement selections and table centre pieces, only to end up divorced a few years down the line. In fact, it may surprise you to know that the divorce rates for first marriages is 50%, rising to 67% for second marriages and those who believe in the ‘third time lucky’ mantra get divorced an average of 74%. So how do you ensure you don’t end up wifeless and divorced? Well, you follow our checklist, of course, and as we all know, there is nothing in life that cannot be determined through a ‘tongue in cheek’ list.

First on the list is: Does History repeat itself?

We have all done things we regret, maybe in our youth or that night we were particularly inebriated at the office party, but it is important not to simply gloss over chapters in your partner’s previous life that cause you concern. You shouldn’t judge a person on their past; however, it is important to assess what it is that bothers you and decide whether your marriage could survive a similar scenario in the future. In this case, it is best to remember that old habits die hard, so you need to really decide whether you can deal with these habits in the long-term or whether the behaviours have been left in that particular period.

Second for your consideration is: Is it here and now, but not later?

This section is really asking you to consider whether she has the qualities of a lifelong mate, or whether you are being dazzled by the way her skirt swishes? Certain qualities that you love in your partner may be temporary; that is, that they dampen or fade away with age. Examples of such temporary qualities would include that you love how she wants to go out all night dancing (she will not want to do this in her 70s as slippers and arthritis do not lend themselves to R’n’B music) or how she always ensures she’s got something new to show off in the bedroom. At the other side of the spectrum is where the qualities such as caring, honesty, and faithfulness sit. It is important to project all qualities into the future and think, will this die out or will I be able to handle her love of vodka when we’re 50?

The third question you should ask yourself is: Are you infatuated by the can do’s and the will do’s?

We all have big plans for the future: some of us want to become the CEO of law firms, some want to become bestselling authors, and some, well, some just never grow out of wanting to become astronauts. There isn’t anything wrong with dreaming big, but it is important to realise that dreams do not always come true. Will you be just as appreciative of your partner if she doesn’t turn out to be the next super model? It is important to ground yourself when deciding on your life partner; you need to marry her as the person who stands in front of you and not the high-flying fashion editor that she could be. Admire the passion, because that is a life quality, but don’t attach yourself to a future that may not come to fruition.

Lastly but some may say most importantly: Is there enough sizzle?

It is all very well to be realistic and grounded about the future. However, primarily, if there is no spark before you embark on your life journey together, then the likelihood is it won’t work. That is, of course, unless you have resigned yourself to a mediocre marriage. It is easy to forget the matters of the heart when deciding whether and how to propose and instead get caught up only in the practical details. The ‘spark’ obviously depends on the relationship’s specifics: a couple who have been together for seven years before getting engaged are not going to have the same spark as a couple who have been together nine months. However, those primal urges should still crop up at least every now and again, as the psychologist Lombardo explained: "Great sex won’t make problems go away, but it can really cushion your relationship during the inevitable tough times."

Laura L Bolick is the founder of the F&L Designer Guides, compiled and written to help consumers choose the best and the most unique engagement ring designers in the UK. Join the F&L journey that covers topics related to how to propose, choosing the right stone, affording your engagement ring and how to work with talented designers.

Writer and Online Marketing Manager in London.