Tips For Dating After Divorce

I’ll never forget the day when I realized I was going to be single again. As a mother and wife, most of my adulthood identity was wrapped up in those two roles. Divorce was like death, and as I moved through the grieving process, I finally came to a point when I was ready to date again. There are some things I learned along the way in the world of dating after divorce. Maybe my experience can help you.

WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE READY

If you start dating before you have healed from your divorce, you are not being fair to yourself or the person you date. Divorce is like a death, and you must mourn the loss of your dreams before you can begin to grow new ones. Dating after divorce is not intended to be a "replacement" for the lost spouse. No other person can validate you as a person. Take time to grieve, and once you are ready to start being involved in life again, consider dating.

GET INVOLVED IN THINGS YOU LIKE

If you have put off doing things you like, you are keeping yourself from meeting some great people. You never know where the love bug will be when it bites, so if you have wanted to go hiking, join a sports activity, or play bingo, GO! This is the beginning of the new you. Staying active helps the recovery process as well.

If you are by yourself or with friends, you might not meet Mr. Right directly, but you can start establishing new relationships that will expand your circle of friends. Having strong social connections not only helps you enjoy life more fully, but it will also expose you to people you may want to know in a dating capacity. Dating after divorce doesn’t have to be a marathon to go out with someone right away.

DON’T COMPROMISE

After a divorce, you may be left feeling a little insecure. Don’t let this affect your choice of people you date. You are still a valuable person, and if you compromise your standards or values just to be accepted, you won’t be happy. At the same time, don’t be so picky that you sabotage a potentially good mate. A strong relationship is a series of compromises by both people. It is important to keep some kind of list (even if it’s only mental) and make sure that your dates meet the minimal criteria.

Things you might want to keep on your list are faith, finances, and life goals. Pick the things that are important to you in a lifelong partner so you don’t risk becoming involved in an unhealthy relationship. Dating after divorce seems like you would do this automatically, but it’s amazing how often we will fall into old habits.

DATING WITH KIDS

This is the one area many people wonder about... how do you introduce a date to the kids? There is no tried and true answer. Do you want to invest energy into someone who won’t get along with your kids? Do you want your kids to be that involved in your personal life? There are some guidelines that you can keep in mind, though.

If you are dating someone, take things slow. Once you know their character, you will be able to determine if you want to bring them into your family life. If you don’t like fundamental things about them, don’t’ keep going out. A "family date" to the park or somewhere non-threatening will give you a sense of how your partner relates to your kids.

If your children do not respond well to the other person, give it time. All kids want to see their parents together, and once you start dating someone they have to go through another grieving process that the other parent has been "replaced".

DON’T GET DISCOURAGED

Finding true love takes time. Expect failures. While I was on my dating quest, I found my Mr. Right. Over time I‘m sure we will both keep learning how to negotiate this dating thing. It has been an ongoing process, but it has renewed my faith in love. And with time and dating sites for singles, you can find a happy and productive life once you are dating after divorce!