Asking For What you Want

Overwhelmed

If you feel unhappy or dissatisfied, overwhelmed or under-appreciated, then one of the most important things to do is to figure out what you want and then learn how to ask for it. Many people never succeed in this seemingly simple task. Our minds often misdirect us. Sometimes your logical mind and your emotions will be out of sync. For some people questioning comes easily, but most of us don't ask enough questions nor do we pose our inquiries in an optimal way.

Perhaps most crucially, we don't like making ourselves vulnerable to rejection. Asking takes courage because we can't control the answer. But we do control the what, why, where and when together with the how and the who we ask.

Questioning is a uniquely powerful tool for unlocking value. It spurs learning, the exchange of ideas, innovation and improvement. It builds rapport and trust among others. It can uncover unforeseen pitfalls and hazards.

If you don’t ask!

As they say 'If you don't ask you don't get'. For example, a lot of people feel especially uncomfortable asking for a pay rise but if one day you're hoping to hit that six figure salary, you need to believe you should be compensated for your worth if you feel you are providing value to your employer.

However be realistic in your expectations. Explain the situation calmly and professionally. Outline the duties you have been performing well. Feel confident and know that your needs matter too. The reality is that other people rarely care as much about our needs, preferences and desires as we do.

Timing

Find a good time to pose your questions – a big part of asking involves good timing. This can be equally true whether asking for a talk with your partner or a pay rise from your boss. Maybe if the person seems angry or stressed or it's the end of a long working day, then it's likely not the best time to ask. You could practice asking for what you want – it's like building a muscle, the more you do it the easier it gets.

It's also salient for you to be approachable, be polite and engaging and remember to keep good eye contact. Don't be so meek that your request feels half-hearted. Being respectfully assertive is a good attitude to adopt. It's important to sharpen your approach skills, don't assume others are mind readers. All parties need to take responsibility for clear communication.

Why is it we so often hold back from asking questions? Could it just be that we don't care enough to ask? Maybe we think we'll be bored by the answer or overconfident that we already know it! It’s more often that we worry we will ask the wrong question or may appear rude or incompetent.

You won't always get what you want, life just doesn't work like that. But when people say no accept it graciously and move on. Now you know where you stand you can reassess and move on. Don’t take a rejection personally, at least you had the courage to ask!

Hey, I’m Chris. I will help you to make money, save money, and think about money in a way that will give you back your freedom. www.lifeupswing.com