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Anti-Valentine’s Day – Hilarious Gifts for Lovers

Author: John Dugan
by John Dugan
Posted: Feb 04, 2015

Ah, Valentine's Day, a day of romance. A day of tenderness. A day of -- BARF! V-Day has spawned what has perhaps become an equally celebrated holiday: anti-Valentine's Day. Contrary to what many smitten kittens may think, anti-Valentine's day is not a "celebration" reserved for bitter and lonely souls; many people in romantic relationships shun the Hallmark holiday together with their partners. Some men may find that the ticket to some hot loving this February (and therefore better male organ health -- use it or lose it!) comes with a snarky, sarcastic anti-Valentine's Day gift tailored to a lover's sense of humor. Laughter is, after all, one of the most effective aphrodisiacs.

Below, men can find gift ideas that the lover of laughter may see as genuinely delightful during a time of empty traditional expressions of love -- gifts that fly in the face of chocolates and roses.

1. Did U Fart? Thong

If a man's lady likes rocking a thong, he can give her a hardy laugh by giving her a pair with one of the least romantic phrases on it ever. He should, of course, know that his lover's sense of humor is in line with the crass nature of such a gift. She'll look and feel sensual while making both partners laugh.

2. Sarcastic Candy Hearts

What's more boring than those little chalky heart-shaped candies with "Be Mine" and other stock phrases written on them? Not a whole lot, but the concept has been overhauled with the invention of sarcastic candy hearts. Featuring phrases like "Return my CDs" and "Sub Prime," no empty sentiment was shed in the making of these funny treats.

3. Humping Dog USB

For the partner who's always plugged in (to the computer, that is), a tasteless and hilarious USB can be a great gift. This product features a USB sticking out of a toy dog's groin area. They come in many breeds, including Doberman, Beagle and Husky. This makes an ideal unromantic gift for the dog lover.

4. Snarky Greeting Card

Show Hallmark, and your lover, how you really feel by investing in a snarky card. With phrases like "Barf!" and "If Love Were a Booger..." (accompanied by [in]appropriate images), these contrary cards are just what a sarcastic lover would enjoy.

5. Hyper-sensual Gifts

Lovemaking can certainly be romantic. It can also be downright dirty and raunchy. Lovers wishing to eschew the traditional display of sweet sentimentality on Valentine's Day might enjoy gifts whose purpose is 100% physical pleasure-oriented. This could go in a lot of directions, depending on partner preferences, level of trust, communication history, etc. From restraints, blindfolds and feather teasers to vibrators, dildos and Luna beads, there are many sensual toys couples might like to indulge in.

6. "Good Enough" Book

Buying your partner a book like 50 Boyfriends Worse than Yours is a hilarious way to counteract the idea that lovers should go over-the-top to impress one another on Valentine’s Day. A man can relax, have a laugh with his lover and ensure him or her that it could be worse instead.

Of course, it's possible to take the anti-romance theme too far; men shouldn't use the lax atmosphere around the anti-holiday as an excuse to let the hygiene slide. While the day doesn't need to be a lovey-dovey kiss-fest, a man would likely not be upset to get some loving; this isn't going to occur if he's sporting a member that is unclean. Along with daily washing with warm water, men can boost manhood cleanliness with a male organ health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil). Along with skin-healthy ingredients, the lotion contains vitamin A, whose antibacterial properties fight unwanted odors. A man can make his partner laugh with funny gifts and moan with delight this anti-Valentine's Day by attending to his partner's funny bone and to his love bone as well.

About the Author

Visit for additional information on most common male organ health issues, tips on improving male organ sensitivity, and what to do to maintain a healthy male organ.

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Author: John Dugan

John Dugan

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United States Minor Outlying Islands

Member since: May 11, 2013
Total live articles: 816

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