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What the hell happened to just getting married?

Author: Tara Green
by Tara Green
Posted: Feb 07, 2015

For better, for worse — and for YouTube

What the hell happened to just getting married?

As soon as the internet started getting an invite to people’s nuptials everything in the landscape changed.

Granted, it could be argued that this most traditional of unions was in serious need of a revamp. I used to sing at weddings and I can tell you that for an event that’s supposed to be the most exciting in people’s lives, a lot of ceremonies me and my fellow quartet members aria’d our way through were capital B, BORING.

Time and again it was the same stale setup: a row of nervous groomsmen awkwardly fidgeting in front of the priest, pews packed with guests staring straight ahead like they were stuck in a school assembly and that moment of relief when the groom finally kissed the bride and everyone in the church collectively exhaled for the first time in an hour.

Back in 2009 when JK Wedding Entrance Dance was uploaded to You Tube (it now has over 88m views), the world was aching to see something other than steely-faced bridesmaids shuffling down the aisle at a glacial pace to the sounds of Pachelbel’s Canon.

In that video, when the first members of the bridal party threw up their coloured paper and began awkwardly dancing to Chris Brown’s Forever you could feel the congregation and the world breathe a collective sigh of relief.

These ceremonies are supposed to be a celebration and finally we were seeing people who looked like they were enjoying themselves rather than slowly marching towards Death Row.

But now I think we can all agree, it’s been done.

Every time a new wedding dance video goes up or someone posts a wacky photo of bridesmaids tucking dresses into their underpants I’m reminded that no one ever cares about your wedding as much as you do.

If you’re overtaken by the urge to dance down the aisle because you’re so deliriously happy then by all means do it because there’s nothing better than a completely unplanned outburst of joy.

But if you’re only doing it because mum’s on the handy cam and you’re relying on the advertising revenue from 40 million You Tube hits to fund your honeymoon in the Maldives, then put one foot in front of the other and save us the golf claps and yourself the disc space.

Perhaps for those who insist on doing it despite my advice, you might consider changing your wedding vows to reflect the occasion and the times?

May I suggest: I (name) take you (name) to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, in underwhelming YouTube stats for our wedding dance video where even the injection of Uncle Johnno doing the sprinkler and a three-year-old flower girl trying to break dance wasn’t enticing enough to yield more than 23 views (most of which were mum and dad), to love and to cherish (even if you didn’t pop the question in a way that was worthy of uploading to YouTube with the title "World’s Most Epic Proposal"), to have and to hold from this day forward, until divorce do us part.

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Author: Tara Green

Tara Green

Member since: Dec 21, 2014
Published articles: 106

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