If the person you are crushing on liked you in return but is not interested in a committed relations

If the person you are crushing on liked you in return but is not interested in a committed relationship, how would that make you feel? When you go on several dates, hang out, and grow to enjoy each other's company but are not ready to take things further, what would you do? When the situation and relationship meet together to form the "situationship," it refers to the setup of a romantically inclined relationship between two people where there is a lack of commitment and no discussion of the future of the relationship. The two people involved are neither considered each other’s partners nor are they just friends. Usually both parties are testing water to see where the relationship progresses. How can one go about and find meaning in such a situation? Let’s find out.

Online dating and situationships

The number of Indians using online dating apps has gone up from 20 million users to a massive 80+ million users in 2023 (as reported by Statista.com). This shows that the younger generation looks to find love online more than in traditional ways. The impact it has on the dynamics of modern day relationships is that one user gets to match and meet with multiple people before settling on "the one" or they end up "deleting" their profiles with frustration. However, the ones who hang on to the app and keep looking out for love often end up involved in multiple situationships. As a tool, it takes away the burden of committing and leaves space for exploring. However, as much as it feels liberating, it continues to hamper the relationship culture in the country especially amongst the youth. Most people who look for short term relationships are not ready to commit, even if they are involved in physical or emotional intimacy.

The strengths and drawbacks of situationships

Situationships can be considered as one of the options by those individuals who find it difficult to be emotionally available for their partners. Another factor to consider here is the bodily needs that get to be fulfilled by being in a situationship. As the times are changing, there is more awareness about sexual health and needs, and one way people fulfill that is by engaging in relationships where they don’t need to commit emotionally or romantically. When there are no labels, and the relationship is rather spontaneous, it reinforces the immediate gratification of a need of being in love with someone. But the lack of sustenance, consistency and trust amongst each other overpowers the goods. Sometimes the irregularity and the stagnant feeling of the relationship, neither growing nor ending, create insecurity amongst the individuals.

The discomfort of being in a situationship

There is no strict guideline for being in a situationship. Individual differences lead to a dynamic between two people that is unique to them. However, certain common experiences, as observed, include discomfort and distress in most people as a result of being in a situationship. Most often, people feel like they're being caught in a trap that they can’t get out of so easily. The thought of the other person killing time with you while they look for someone else invalidates the person’s sense of being and self-worth. Investing time in a person with whom a get-out-of-jail card exists becomes taxing and extremely overwhelming to handle in the long run. The biggest challenge arises when one individual develops a desire to get more out of the relationship, while the other person shows no interest. The lack of meaningful communication and the fear of developing long lasting feelings for each other make situationships daunting enough to begin with.

Situationships vs Being Single

If you feel something is better than nothing, then trying out situationships can be beneficial for you to figure out your needs and comfort zone in a relationship. But to have that something, the agony that tags along, keeps a big chunk of youth in the singlehood. For them better late than sorry philosophy works. If you want to know that situationship is beneficial for you or not then you can take relationship counselling. When you decide to accept singlehood, you are mindful of what your style of relationship is and work upon fulfilling your own needs by being in love with yourself first and foremost. While being single has it’s own ups and downs, not having another person add to their problems is something they can cherish!

Ways to deal with the "other person" in a situationship

If you are in a situationship or have someone else going through it, you might be wondering how to go about "solving" this problem. As such, there is no one size fits all approach, but here are a few things you can do to improve the bond or end it all

• The most important thing to do is not abruptly end all communication and avoid contact with that person without any apparent warning or explanation and ignoring any subsequent attempts to communicate.
• Instead, it is time to be honest and open about feelings and thoughts about the relationship. You can do that in two ways:
• I appreciate the time we have spent together. But I can sense we want different things out of this relationship. So its in our best interest to stop seeing each other."- "I really enjoy spending time with you. And I am starting to feel that we can gel well together for a long time. If you feel the same then I would want to discuss the relationship, and take it forward from there."
• It’s very essential to remember that you or the other person are equally important and your minds can change at any point. Protecting your mental peace takes priority always.
• Talking to a relationship counsellor to understand and figure out the dynamics of the relationship

I'm Riya Sharma, and I've provided medical care to patients for over 6 years. My expertise as a psychologist includes counseling for marriage and relationship issues and dealing with work stress, sleep problems, anxiety, and stress.