Wedding planning complicated when co-workers involved

Note to my colleague: You're getting married. I thought we were friends. Where is my invitation?It's the June wedding season and nothing tests the bounds of workplace friendships than an invitation list. Especially when you're looking at prices of $100 a plate or more.So what is a bride or groom to do?

Wedding planners are used to navigating the dangerous waters of wedding protocol, especially what's known in the industry as the "drop off," the point at which no more extras can be accommodated.One Austin-based caterer and event designer recommends getting the word out informally around the office that it will be a small family/close friends affair to tamp down expectations about whether an invitation may be forthcoming.

And who's to question the definition of small?"Maybe that dining hall only holds 500 and the 40 co-workers didn't make the cut," said Suzanne Court, owner of Suzanne Court Catering & Events.But what if you want to invite some, but not all, of your co-workers? Especially if each extra person will boost how much you have to spend on food, alcohol, floral arrangements and other expenses? Court says the average cost of a wedding with 100 to 125 guests runs between $25,000 and $30,000.

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If you're on a close team at work, don't handpick a few here or there. Invite all of them or none of them, suggests Court.The boss, however, should get an invitation unless the wedding is indeed small, Court said. It's also important to clue the boss in early that you're planning a wedding because of the inevitable wedding-related phone calls and requests for time off from work.When the office is small, the decision is sometimes easier. Especially if your co-workers feel like family.

When Walker Agnew Jr. moved back to Houston to take a job as a recruiter for a small family-owned recruiting firm, he became close to his five co-workers. In fact, it was at a party at his new boss' house that he took his now wife, Kristin, on their third date.So it felt natural to invite all five colleagues, plus their boss, when he got married last summer. He didn't have the same close relationship with two new employees, however, and didn't feel obligated to include them on the invitation list for the large wedding with 330 guests.

Leah Martinez is getting married in October which puts her squarely in the wedding workplace minefield.It's awkward when co-workers ask if the invitations have already been sent, said Martinez, who works in marketing for a shipping company. Or whether the couple has already registered for wedding gifts.At her fiance's office - he works in human resources for an employee benefits consulting firm - co-workers are asking if they'll be getting an invitation.

He just laughs it off, said Martinez. But he's a guy, she said, and guys can do that.Complicating factors is Martinez's recent job change. By the time October rolls around, she figures she'll know some colleagues well enough to invite. But she can't invite just anyone she's known for only two months.

Another factor complicating the guest list is whether she wants her work colleagues judging her personal style on decorations, venue, menu choices and hundreds of other small and large wedding decisions. It doesn't help that television shows have spawned competitive wedding snark. One show has brides attend each other's functions and rate the dresses, catering, venues and overall experience."It leaves you in a vulnerable position," Martinez said, especially since she does marketing for a living and everyone will be looking intently on how she puts on her own event.

And if some crazy relative does something wild at the wedding, she doesn't want it to be part of the water cooler gossip.Despite the concerns, Martinez sent "save the dates" to her then-colleagues at the pipeline construction company where she used to work. And she's looking forward to reuniting with them at the wedding that will likely have between 250 and 300 guests.

When she gave her two-week notice, her boss was concerned, she recalled with a laugh. He asked: "Can I still come to your wedding?"

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