Talking with Your Partner about Fertility Issues

The key to any lasting relationship is a strong bond of communication. The ability to discuss any difficult matter with an open mind can bring couples together, allowing them to forge a stronger connection and weather any storm. There can be no greater test of a relationship than discovering fertility issues after the decision is made to expand a family. The stress and tension caused from an inability to conceive can have couples arguing over the next steps, while some will even attempt to place blame. Fertility treatments are a safe and solid solution for many families struggling to conceive on their own. However, these treatments can be both physically and emotionally exhausting; it’s incredibly important to be on the same page with your partner. Before entering into the fertility treatment journey, you’ll need to be sure you both understand the risks and realities. Pregnancy is not guaranteed, but the stress caused from the treatments is most certainly inevitable. Expanding your family should a joyous time, and although infertility can damper the experience, it doesn’t have to be the end of the road.

• Avoid a conversation about blame. What matters is not the cause of infertility, but rather the solution. For example, it doesn’t matter if there’s a low sperm count; talking about potential reasons for it will only increase the sadness and stress between you. At the end of the day, both of you can’t get pregnant. At this point, the most important thing is to lean on each other, not pull away. Reassure one another that you’re both on the same team. Concentrate on your true feelings for your partner, why you want to have a child and reasons for your love. These can help strengthen your bond. Be honest with your frustration, and don’t attempt to hide it. The happiest couples are always abundantly honest; it creates a sense of trust. You both need to handle infertility as a team; otherwise the process will destroy your relationship.
• If you’re personally dealing with feelings of guilt, speak to a counselor to find the source. You need to truly mean the words you’re saying to your partner and not just go through the motions. At the end of the day, all true feelings are revealed. Tackling them now can save you hardship down the line.
• Take care of each other, both before and during the process. As a couple, you are the reason for desiring a child. Care for each other and make sure you both feel loved. Take time for personal massages, cook dinner and get away to reassure your bond. Fertility treatments work best for couples with a minimal amount of stress.
• Don’t always have sex on a schedule, and avoid making it only about getting pregnant. The results can be catastrophic. Sex shouldn’t be a chore, but rather a way to reconnect. It can be hard to achieve when you’re trying so desperately to get pregnant, but remembering why you enjoy each other’s chemistry is beneficial for many reasons. Comfort, connection, stress reduction and the like are some of the many reasons to have more spontaneous sex.
• Practice stress relieving exercises with your partner. Join a yoga class to unwind, or take up mountain biking. Choose an activity you can do together that will allow you to reduce your stress, while furthering your bond.
• Respect boundaries and don’t expect a certain reaction. Men and women handle disappointment differently. It’s unhealthy to expect your partner to react in a certain way; men often internalize their emotions. It’s important to ask how they are feeling, but don’t become frustrated when they can verbalize it. The important thing is to meet them at their level and allow them to handle their sadness and stress in their own way. In the same regard, don’t be mad if he can’t understand your feelings. It’s not a sign that he doesn’t love you the same way, if he doesn’t guess how you’re feeling; most need to be told. If you need to be alone, ask for it. If you need to talk, tell him honestly. Communication is vital.
• Be upfront with how far you’ll take the process to get pregnant. These treatments can be costly, both financially and emotionally. Before you begin, you both need to agree upon how much you’re will to spend of both to have a child. You can’t truly know what to expect until you’re in the process, but understanding your limits can go a long way.

About the Author: Beth A. Stevens is a contributing author and medical nurse in the fertility field. She’s spent 15 years helping patients cope with fertility issues, while providing advice during treatments. When her daughter required infertility services, they found (813) 914-7304 had the most experienced staff in the area.

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