Wedding officiants offer advice for achieving wedding day success

The big day nears, and I have to say I'm quite impressed with the way my daughter's wedding is coming together.

So impressed, in fact, that I almost wish she had been around to plan my wedding a million years ago.

Way back then, I started with a vision of a morning ceremony followed by a brunch-type reception. I was picturing flower gardens, sunshine, champagne toasts and crumpets. You know, right out of Jane Austen.

We ended up with an evening ceremony and an indoor sit-down dinner on a stormy night.

There were other things that didn't go according to plan. I could have lived with overcast skies, but did the heavens really have to open up just as we were leaving for the church? And did the umbrella my dad grabbed on the fly really have to have a gaping hole in it?

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Sometimes marrying couples can't see the lifelong commitment for the rose petals and the buttercream, said the Rev. Eva LaRoche, who owns "A Perfect Fit Rev" in Oak Forest. She has officiated 245 weddings since becoming ordained in 2012.

She has had couples attend to every detail of the big day, only to forget the marriage license.

It's easy to get caught up in the fun stuff, LaRoche said, but even if nothing goes according to plan, that doesn't mean the marriage is doomed.

A far better indicator that there may be trouble ahead are things such as substance abuse and verbal disrespect between bride and groom, she said.

"Sometimes you can sense which couples are going to make it and which ones might not," she said.

LaRoche has had couples call seeking counseling just months into the marriage.

Her advice — before you register for gifts and start choosing wedding cakes, discuss the really important things such as children, religion, money, life goals.

And don't be alarmed by things that go wrong on the wedding day. Your ability to deal with wedding day mishaps might offer insight into your ability to cope with imperfections while married.

"It rained on my wedding day, and we're going on 28 years," LaRoche said.

A quick Facebook survey revealed lots of happy marriages that are enduring despite showers, flurries, even a blizzard on the big day.

It poured on Kathy Curran-Quilty's wedding day, and she her husband, Michael, are going on 33 years.

The Orland Park mom and human resources specialist was so intrigued by the cliche that a rainy wedding day means a lucky marriage (an idiom that no doubt began with a parent trying to hush an upset bride or groom) that she conducted her own research, finding that 80 percent of marriages that have a rainy beginning end up intact years later.

Several of my friends and family members also have wedding horror stories. Fistfights among guests, dancing injuries, ambulances called, cake toppers tumbling over, wedding gowns splitting seams, the bottom of a mother-of-the-bride dress accidentally dropped into the toilet.

Decades later, only death separates one of the couples.

Still, weddings are big business. You should aspire to get your money's worth. So, if you're secure in your decision to marry, full speed ahead on the wedding.

To help you make the most of it, I consulted a local wedding expert on how to nip wedding woes in the bud.

Jeannie Walton has been a wedding officiant for years. Before that, she worked in sales and catering for the hotel industry. The New Lenox mom and reverend has become a wedding day troubleshooter, helping brides and grooms get organized and educated.

While there is little you can do about weather or natural disasters, many wedding catastrophes are the result of a failure to plan, research or communicate, Walton said.

She said there are ways to boost your chances of having everything go smoothly, and it all begins with starting early.

"The best thing brides and grooms can do is educate themselves," Walton said.

Read the fine print, meet your vendors, clearly communicate your expectations, she said.

And the best thing that wedding guests can do is remember that this day is about honoring the couple, blessing the couple.

"Don't make it all about you or your needs or your wants," she said.

Here are 15 of Walton's tips for making the day go smoothly. Just remember, if you think that a lot of work, trouble-shooting and compromising goes into wedding planning, wait until you see what marriage has in store.

1. Allow more than enough time for every aspect of the day.
2. Don't choose a DJ who relies heavily on showmanship. This is not a race car event. You don't need exaggerated voices.
3. Get to the wedding venue at least an hour and 15 minutes early. Being late out of the gate has a daylong ripple effect. For guests who are frequently late, give them a "gathering time" that is 30 minutes before the ceremony is to start.
4. Do not delay the ceremony because someone is late, unless of course, it's the bride or groom.
5. For outdoor weddings specifically, bald grooms or groomsmen should remember to wear sunscreen. Don't choose a heavy-weight gown for a summer wedding. Don't use a runner — women's heels will puncture it, and it will end up looking like people have toilet paper stuck to their shoes.
6. Do not allow children younger than 6 at the ceremony. A screaming child will not remember the day. But everyone subjected to the outbursts will remember the screaming child.
7. Step back mothers, fathers and in-laws. If your children are old enough to get married, they are old enough to plan a wedding. Trust them.
8. Discuss family problems ahead of time. "Ask, 'who is going to ruin our wedding and how can we prevent that?'" If you haven't spoken to a relative in 10 years, this is not the time to make up.
9. Don't let your limousine driver double-book the day. If you run late, he may have to leave for another gig.

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