Janis and Gueorgui Pastujov: Togetherness Is a Balancing Act

When they were married on April 8, 1994, Janis Tardy and Gueorgui Pastujov (who appeared in a Vows column) were members of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus and living in a 6-foot by 6-foot compartment on the mile-long circus train. Their bed doubled as the dining room table and every other piece of furniture, too.

Mr. Pastujov, who was born in Tula, Russia, worked as a translator for the many Russian circus performers. Mrs. Pastujov, who grew up in Fair Lawn, N.J., was the dance captain, leading acts like the Spanish Web, in which dancers in yellow bathing suits climbed and flipped around on long ropes like frantic spiders.

Living on the train and traveling around the country from show to show, the Pastujovs didn’t have rent or utility bills to pay, a lawn to mow, a computer or a cellphone (this was before those were ubiquitous) or nice china (too breakable, especially when the train moved).

What they did have — all they really wanted, both said — was lots of time together. "Working for the circus, you’re together 24/7," said Mrs. Pastujov, now 51. "You’re working together. You’re together at home. You have the same circle of friends. It’s a good thing for a new marriage."

Mr. Pastujov, 52, said he never tired of her company. "It was 24/7 but it wasn’t enough," he said. "I was always looking for her. I was never looking for a way to get away from her." He added: "People say you shouldn’t be working together. Those relationships don’t work. I felt totally the opposite. I felt blessed to be working in the same environment as her."

For them, circus life was a temporary adventure rather than a lifelong career. They had made a pact that they would leave as soon as Mrs. Pastujov became pregnant.

"We agreed our children would not be raised in the circus," Mr. Pastujov said, explaining that the circus was too much of a bubble, too carefree and fun, for his taste. He said he craved real life, mortgage payments and such, although many circus people feel the opposite.

"I knew quite a few couples who got married in the circus and left," he said. "They could not adapt to reality. They either broke up in the real world or they came back to the circus."

Becoming pregnant took longer than they expected. "We were trying for three years," she said. "It was hard because we were on the road and when you look into fertility, you can’t do it when you’re going from doctor to doctor."

They finally became pregnant the way many people say you find love after looking for a long time. "We just stopped worrying," Mrs. Pastujov said.

Their first son, Nick, was born in 1998, and their second, Michael, in 1999. A third, Sasha, was born in 2003. They settled in Bradenton, Fla. — Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey is based there — where Mr. Pastujov continued working for the circus, this time as a talent scout. He traveled around the world searching for new acts. "I went from living on the circus train to being a globe-trotter," he said.

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Mr. Pastujov quit that job to spend more time with his family, which includes two daughters from a former marriage: Kerstin Hense and Patricia Newlin, both now married. Also, an ice rink had been built near Bradenton and because hockey had been his favorite sport growing up in Russia, he wanted more time at home to teach his young sons to play. "I took them to the rink and it became our second home," he said.

Before long, the Pastujovs’ life was like a circus again. Each son excelled at hockey and began playing in games all over the continent. "We started to travel back to the cities we traveled to with the circus," Mr. Pastujov said. "Boston, Montreal. It’s like déjà vu. Second round. It seems to be that traveling is in our family. We can’t get away from it, as much as we tried to settle down."

She added: "We went everywhere as a family. We’d be driving together, eating together, watching the games together. The family became like a little team."

Mrs. Pastujov was a full-time mom for years, then worked as a dance coach and eventually as a teacher at an elementary school. On Pinterest, she recently described herself this way: "I am a Christian, a mother, a daughter, a first-grade teacher, a dance teacher, a hockey mom and a little tired."

She said the most difficult period of their married life came when their oldest son, Nick, left home at 14 to play for HoneyBaked, a top age-group hockey team in Farmington Hills, Mich. For the school year, he lived with another family. "I had to let him go but honestly, it was horrible," she said. "Most people think their kids won’t leave until they go to college. He was in eighth grade. I was not prepared."

A year later, Michael left to play for the same team. Again, Mrs. Pastujov forced herself to let him go. "We are supposed to facilitate their dreams," she said. "It is not about us at this point. It’s about sending them out into the world as the best athlete and person they can be."

Last year, their youngest son, Sasha, now 11, joined the Belle Tire team for his age group in Hazel Park. "Janis broke down," Mr. Pastujov said. "She couldn’t stand the separation from the boys."

She decided to take a sabbatical from teaching and move to Michigan to be close to them. Next year, all three boys — the older two are in the United States Hockey’s National Team Development Program in Ann Arbor — will live with her. "Oh, I’m very, very excited," she said. "Nick is going to be a senior. I can’t follow him past that. This is my last chance."

Mr. Pastujov has remained in Bradenton, where he is director of safety and business continuity at Bealls department store, but he is on a plane all the time, traveling to Michigan or wherever one boy or another has a game.

"At the beginning of our marriage, we were together 24/7," she said. "I always knew what he was doing. There was no way doubt or fear or adversity could sneak in there. When you are separated by 1,000 miles, it can mess with your head."

That doesn’t mean she ever thinks of breaking up. When talking about their marriage, the Pastujovs can sound like hockey coaches. During difficult times, she said, "You don’t just give up. You don’t just say, ‘I don’t like this anymore.’ " She added: "We just get more and more comfortable with each other. We just keep plugging, just keep going, and try to laugh as we fall apart and our hair turns gray."

For as long as she can remember, they have spent their wedding anniversary in hockey rinks, watching their sons play, and the same was true this year. "We used to celebrate by going somewhere cool in New York," she said. "But yeah, those days are over."

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