Georgina Francis: why I’m Having 22 Wedding Rehearsals at the Edinburgh Fringe

On August 31 I’m marrying every woman’s dream man! An ex-banker, turned Conservative Politician, Simon Hamilton. After turning down 2,304 venues (including The Vatican and the Taj Mahal), we settled upon the intimate, stunning and historical Edinburgh Castle.

Most Brides have one wedding rehearsal, but I am NOT most Brides. I am an icon to women everywhere. I really do have it all. I’m engaged, run a charity (Bride Aid, for impoverished Brides), I’m facially blessed, I’ve never eaten a chip, I’ve got no sweat glands and I haven’t cried since 2009. So therefore I need to have as many rehearsals as possible to ensure the big day is PERFECT!

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So when I found out about this little Edinburgh Festival thing that generic members of the public attend, I was thrilled! What better way to practice and try various aspects of the wedding (like my arrival via helicopter, releasing doves from the wedding dress and riding down the aisle on a unicorn) than to put it on as a ‘show’ and ask normal people to come along and fill-in as guests and relatives!

I will be asking people to write Simon’s vows and groom speech as he hasn’t had time to do them himself yet, plus fire objections at me so I can practice my response. I’m expecting most of my ex boyfriends to turn up at the wedding and try and sabotage it, so I’ll be prepared!

Originally I requested The Edinburgh Festival Theatre (2,000 seater) to accommodate all of my fans but I’ve been given an intimate room in a wonderful cocktail bar called The Voodoo Rooms. Luckily it’s right opposite my accommodation for the month – The Balmoral! They will also probably name a cocktail after me.

Many people will never get the chance to attend such a lavish wedding with a budget of over £1 million! So this is their chance to have a little taster of the wedding of the century, and meet the Bridal equivalent of Ghandi.

The wedding rehearsal will take place at 15.55 (for those of you who didn’t go to private school that means 3.55pm). every day (apart from 18th as I’m having a minor facelift then) at the Voodoo Rooms.

I shan’t go and see anything else at the festival, I have no interest in comedy or students painted white and balancing chairs on their heads in regency costume. I have no idea how my rehearsal ended up in the comedy section by the way, I haven’t laughed since 2009.

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