Marriage: A Sandcastle or Brick and Mortar?

Marriage counselors everywhere, including marriage counseling Fort Myers FL, will tell you that one reason for divorce that is commonly heard today is that the couple has "grown apart." Indeed, many people believe that love is something that one falls in and out of. "It makes me think of an emotional yo-yo," says a counselor at marriage counseling Estero FL. Up, then down. Down, then up. That is, falling in love one day. Falling out of love the next. Married one year. Divorced the next.

The following story supports the reality that love is not so transient. It is more like a staircase suggests marriage counseling Naples FL. It is something that is built one step at a time that brings the couple to a higher place, together, and then grounds them again. If you feel your marriage is finished because you have "fallen out of love," consider this couple’s experience. (Names and minor details have been changed).

Two decades ago, Mary Evans was 22 years old and a senior at college. Her steady boyfriend, Walter, had decided to break off their relationship. He was getting anxious about the prospects of deepening the relationship and getting married. He decided he needed a break to think things through. Mary was heartbroken.

During their separation, Mary had a brief fling with a man named Frank. After a couple of months, Walter, with whom Mary was still deeply in love, decided he wanted to get back together with Mary. After a long conversation, they did just that. They even became engaged.

But then, unexpectedly, Mary found out she was pregnant. Walter was not the father of the child. Frank was. Though abortion was legal at that time, it was not an option Mary would consider. This then was her predicament. She was engaged to one man but had gotten pregnant by another. What should she do? For the sake of the baby, she decided to leave Walter and marry the man with whom she was not in love with, Frank.

At first, Mary hated being married to Frank. She constantly thought about calling it quits. It was a marriage not initially built on love, but obligation. On the other hand, Mary did acknowledge, " Frank was wonderful. He was great and he stuck by me," Mary recalled, "I tried to leave, but I couldn't." "Now," many years later, Mary says, "I love my husband more every day I spend with him. We have a situation that grew from respect to an intense love, an inseparable love… That is what real love does. It becomes stronger over time." This love is further evidenced by their three children, 17, 14, and 10 years of age, at the time they shared their story.

The moral of this story, is that whether you are beginning your marriage, or trying to repair your floundering marriage, its success or failure is in your hands. What you see throughout this story is a mutual commitment to make the relationship work. True love is like a brick and mortar building, not like a sandcastle, here today, gone tomorrow. In marriage, we do not fall in and out of love. We build upon it each day by acts of kindness and respect.

Are you looking to repair and rebuild your marriage? If you live in Southwest Florida, specifically in or around, Naples FL, Fort Myers, Cape Coral, Estero, Bonita Springs, and surrounding Florida communities, Dr. Newberger offers help. His cutting-edge alternative to traditional marriage counseling is as practical as it is effective.