Marriage and Identity Conflict

Problem

Every marriage has problems, notes marriage counseling Fort Myers FL. Most every couple argues at some point in the relationship. Most disputes do not threaten the martial bond. Differences of opinion are par for the course when two different people live together for any length of time. That is to be expected. Do you know what one of the major differences between a healthy argument and a destructive one is? The answer is when people become "antagonists." This word originates from the Greek language. It means, "to struggle against." Hence, when one spouse starts directing energy away from a given problem and begins to struggle against the other spouse, the line delineating destructive conflict has been crossed and bad things begin to happen to the marriage.

Indeed, when a husband and wife begin to undermine each other, observes marriage counseling Cape Coral FL, it does not bode well for the future of their marriage. The original issue or dispute is no longer the real problem. The problem is now identified as a person. "My wife is the problem." "My husband is the problem." "She needs help." "He need therapy." From a union made in heaven, the marital bond is burning and crashing back to earth. Conversation becomes more strained. Outside friends and family rally behind one or the other. Suspicions of the other grows while the couple increasingly ignore what they have in common.

In the midst of such struggles, we tend to stereotype our partner in the worst possible way, says marriage counseling Bonita Springs FL. Questions of the other's character, competency, credibility, or spirituality are raised. In the midst of ongoing and unresolved conflict, a husband or wife is inclined to inaccurately draw an all-encompassing negative view of their mate. Author Lewis Smedes made note of this human tendency to negatively label others when he wrote, "we shrink him [her] to the size of what he did to us; he becomes the wrong he did… we say things like… ‘he is nothing but a cheat.’ He [She] is no longer a fragile spirit living on the fringes of extinction. He is no longer a confusing mixture of good and evil. He is only, he is totally, the sinner who did us wrong." The conflict then escalates and a particularly nasty spirit emerges because one or both of the spouse’s core identity is challenged and redefined into something almost less than human. This will hurt any marriage.

If you are experiencing conflict in your marriage, if you find that the same patterns of conflict repeat over and over again, consider calling Dr. Ken Newberger for help with you marriage. He holds a PhD in Conflict Analysis and Resolution and offers couples a practical, cutting-edge alternative to conventional marriage counseling. His office is in Estero FL but is in easy driving distance from Naples, Fort Myers, Bonita Springs, Cape Coral and surrounding areas. Contact him today. He stands ready to help.