How to Introduce the Parents after Getting Engaged

Prior to getting engaged, you hopefully had the chance to meet your future in-laws and maybe even extend the courtesy of asking for their daughter’s hand in marriage. But now that you are engaged, it’s time for your folks to meet her folks. Yes, this is stressful, and yes, this could create a lot of unneeded tension in your relationship with your future wife. But getting engaged means that you are getting a new family, so you need to accept the fact and follow the guidelines below. Traditional Etiquette Says...

Traditionally speaking, it is the parents of the groom who should reach out to the parents of the bride and make plans to meet. However, in the 21st century, it’s completely acceptable for either the groom or the bride to initiate this process after getting engaged. If your parents are divorced, perhaps you could make the first meeting consist of only the parent(s) who raised you or to whom you are closest, especially if one lives quite far away. In such a case, it would be a kind gesture to have your parent(s) send a note to the distant father or mother to convey their enthusiasm for the planned joining of the families.

Choosing a Location

If your parents live in the same hometown, consider an informal first meeting, like brunch or cocktails at a moderately priced restaurant. Another good idea that is certain to encourage conversation and a laid back atmosphere is a barbecue or a clambake, perhaps in one of your family’s backyards. This will supply an atmosphere that is much more free-flowing than a formal sit-down dinner.

If your parents live in different parts of the state, country, or world, make an effort to find a convenient time and place for everyone to meet before the wedding. If that’s not at all possible after getting engaged, make sure that all members of the two families convene a couple days before the wedding to become acquainted. A good way to spearhead this process is to ask for a couple last minute wedding favours (decorations, supplies, reservations, etc.) to be taken care of by two or more members of the opposite family.

Do your Due-Diligence and Stand Guard

It’s the nature of the occasion that after introducing your parents to your fiancée’s, you’re not going to be able to completely control how the meeting goes. For this reason, brief your own parents on what to expect beforehand and what you already know of your soon to be in-laws. If there are deep lulls in conversations, have some subject areas ready to be brought up for emergencies. For instance, what’s in the news? Have you or your parents or fiancée taken any trips lately? Anything that is casual for conversation and you feel confident discussing naturally will get the job done.

Kill Them With Kindness

Don’t be sycophantic, but be a darling of manners for the entire meeting. Bring a gift, offer to help clean up or clear dishes. If your in-laws are cooking, ask for a recipe of a dish they served (even if you never plan on making it). The point is you want to come across as the most polite person they have ever met.

Culture Awareness

If your spouse is from another culture, religion, or region of the world, be sure to ask for a heads-up on certain customs or beliefs you should know about in order not to offend your new family. Also be sure to relay this information to your own parents.

Getting engaged is a wonderful time of life that should be enjoyed to the fullest. Don’t stress out over your parents’ meeting each other. Relax, be your natural self with your newly beloved intended, and everything will carry on just fine.

Frederick Holm writes for the F&L Designer Guides, which hosts a thriving community of independent engagement ring designers in the UK. Inspired by their journey of discovery in search of distinctive, one-of-a-kind engagement ring and unique ways of getting engaged, F&L now celebrates the works of their favourite designers and helps promote the notion of "Go Bespoke" as a more imaginative and interesting alternative to the limitations of High Street shopping.

Writer and Online Marketing Manager in London.