Let a Scout Be One

My 12-year-old daughter’s Girl Scout troop is taking a trip to a city. She has severe allergies, so it’s in her best interests that I join her. I told the troop leader that I would like to rent a room for my daughter and me at the hotel. She replied that our only option is to share a room with another mother and daughter (or two girls). Room sharing is designed to cut costs, but that’s not my concern. My daughter doesn’t socialize with these girls. How can I manage the troop leader and avoid sharing a room? ANONYMOUS

I was the boy who didn’t last a week at sleep-away camp — twice. So I understand separation anxiety. And I am not judging you (really!) when I beg you to send your daughter on this trip on her own. It will do you both the world of good, especially your daughter, who has to learn to navigate the world without your 24/7 backup.

Your daughter and the trip chaperones can manage her severe allergies for a couple of days. (Twelve is not six.) If necessary, she can phone you at mealtimes before she ingests a crumb. But you are hobbling her by telling her implicitly that she can’t survive without you. And what’s up with her not socializing with the other girls? Encourage her to start.

You will undoubtedly miss the stuffing out of each other, but letting go of mom (and child) is a mandatory part of life. If none of this convinces you, just share a room like everyone else. Of course you don’t want to; nobody does. But it’s part of the communal experience. Teach your daughter to jump in.

I was at a cocktail party with a friend when we spotted my ex, who dumped me in pretty lousy fashion a couple of weeks before. It seemed as if he was heading our way, so I beat it out of there fast. My friend was angry with me for leaving her on her own. (She called me selfish.) Your verdict? ANGIE, SANTA BARBARA, CALIF.

While I’m still feeling nostalgic (from above), let’s handle this one with a nod to Paul Simon’s "Still Crazy After All These Years": You would not be convicted by a jury of your peers, Angie. Where freshly minted exes are concerned, hasty retreats can seem required for a spell.

Another option would have been to toss your head back and act as if you were having a whale of a time without him. (Call this the "Tracks of My Tears" hustle, but omit the song’s sobbing admission.) Still, you should apologize to your pal for leaving her and forget the mitigating factors when you do. The best mea culpas are clean. Though I wonder what she was so afraid of on the mean cocktail circuit of Santa Barbara: bumping into Oprah?

I saw a new hire at my workplace ask an assistant for a $20 loan. When she refused, he asked if he could borrow her Starbucks card. The next day, he asked me for money to get him through to payday, which made me uncomfortable. I told him I had already started my Christmas shopping, so I wasn’t flush. He persisted, but I refused. How do I politely, but firmly, say no the next time this happens? KARLA, NEW YORK

Remember the last time you started a new job? There may have been a little gap (or a long one) from your last gig. And just when you thought your ship had come in, it took forever for human resources to process your paperwork, and even longer to sync up with the company’s biweekly pay cycle.

No need to become an ATM for new hires; just consider this guy’s circumstances before judging him too harshly. Speak with your boss or suggest to your co-worker that he do so. If I’m correct, maybe the company can help him onto firmer footing with a salary advance until those paychecks start rolling in. (Or maybe he’s a big old mooch, in which case, "Sorry, I don’t have a spare nickel" should do the trick.)

Is there a nice way to tell a young friend that she should have her teeth attended to, so they don’t hold her back professionally or romantically? She seems not to notice or care, or maybe she thinks her children take priority. But I think improving her dental image, and possibly losing some weight, would be good for her. PAT

I’ve read the same articles about "pretty people advancement" as you. But sadly, we can’t all be Eddie Redmayne. I hardly followed the first 15 minutes of "The Theory of Everything" because I was so transfixed by his perfect skin and pearly chompers. (Of course, he’s rail thin, too.) Trust me: Your friend already knows about her teeth and her weight. Like all of us, she looks at herself constantly in mirrors and store windows and shiny kitchen appliances. So unless you are very, very close or prepared to underwrite the cost of her dentistry (or both), keep quiet about it.

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Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing well those you hold. keep your friends close,but your enemies closer.